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Author Topic: fuuny  (Read 4128 times)

hari

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fuuny
« on: May 29, 2010, 10:48:11 PM »

A penguin walks into a bar. He waddles up to the bartender and shouts at him "Hey pal, ya got any raisins?" The bartender tells him no and the penguin walks out in a huff.The next night he comes back, waddles up the bartender again and shouts, "Hey pal, ya got any raisins?" The bartender tells him no again and the penguin walks out in a huff again.
He comes back the next night and asks "Hey pal, ya got any raisins?" This time the bartender gets pissed and says "Look you little moron, this is the third time I've had to tell you: WE DON'T HAVE ANY F--KING RAISINS! See that hammer hanging in back of me? If you come in here and ask for raisins again I'll nail your G-d Da-n flippers to the bar!!!" The penguin just glares at the bartender and storms out.The penguin comes back the next night and waddles up the bar. "What do you want now?", asks the bartender? The penguin asks "Do you got any nails?" When the bartender answers no the penguin then asks, "Well, do you got any raisins?"
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« Last Edit: May 30, 2010, 12:13:20 AM by philmoz »
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kreatur

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2010, 05:23:05 PM »

Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales..

Vern, the hand from Wyoming says, 'I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.'

Larry, from Colorado, couldn't stand to be bested.. That's nothing, 'I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot Diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache.'

Old Paul, the cowboy from Arizona , remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2010, 12:59:55 PM by kreatur »
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Keyrocks

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2010, 08:51:39 PM »

Old Paul, the cowboy from Arizona , remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.

Now that's a Hot Rod story with a different slant.  ;D
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kreatur

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2010, 01:34:13 AM »

And yet...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo shit. Someone has stolen tent."
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Patric Ahlqvist

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2010, 07:56:10 AM »

Arrrrrgh, loving a nice story. These are good, specially like Old Paul ;)
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kreatur

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2010, 11:48:42 AM »

one more for the road:

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from this evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years..."
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Patric Ahlqvist

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2010, 03:50:53 PM »

Aaaaargh ;0
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kreatur

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2010, 12:02:19 AM »

hehe, this one makes me laugh every time:

Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm. He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his wife is in bed, reading a magazine. "Honey," says Fred, "This is the pig I've been screwing when you're not available." "Fred," the wife says, "That's not a pig. That's a sheep." "Shut up," says Fred. "I wasn't talking to you."
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Fred K

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Re: fuuny
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2010, 12:15:36 AM »

hmm...
:D :P 8) :o :D
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